Action

Family patterns: Old and new roles
I'll use myself as an example to show how this works. For me, achievement and mastery experiences are part of my definition of success. I am aware, sometimes painfully, of my positive and not-so-positive strategies for getting these experiences.

Recently I have experienced a painful rift with my sister that has gone on for a couple of years. While we have a deeply satisfying and respectful relationship, as this rift widened I came to realize I have imbued her with the truth about my accomplishments. In other words, I tied my sense of myself and my definition of success to her perception of my achievements and level of mastery.

She of course gets sick of hearing what must seem to her like my bragging all the time. And, when I don't get the requisite amazement from her, I feel disappointed. Yick!

Somebody's burden
Plus, I've burdened my sister, who by the way lives 3,500 miles away, with the responsibility of making me feel successful. Most importantly, I compare my current sense of myself and experience of success to my past view of myself, rather than to my future vision that I can be in charge of creating.

This realization philosophically changes how I see myself, aspire for my future success, and value my relationship with my sister. This also liberates my definition of success from the baggage of the past. This kind of paradigm shift sets her and me free to TURN THE PAGE and write a new life story!

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