Terry Taylor, a personal and business coach since 1991, answered reader questions during an hourlong Q&A on Monday, Jan. 26. Thanks to all who participated! The transcript of the session is below.

My husband and I are "tag team" parents, meaning that I work three evening shifts a week, and he works four evening shifts a week. This leaves one parent home in the evenings with four kids - one being a three-month-old baby. My husband is fed up, and says that we both need to change our careers so that we are both home together at night. This leaves us with a financial dilemma, but I can see his point. How do other families do this? And what should we do?
- J. Smith, La Conner

Terry Taylor: Congratulations! You and your husband agree on an organizing principle for your lives: FAMILY! And you've agreed to stand firmly on that principle and deal with the financial implications. You're further along than most families who struggle with the perception of financial "necessities" and their guilt around being absent.

I wish I knew whether you both were nurses in a hospital or clerks at a convenience store. Obviously, your financial resources and employability will factor into your next steps. In any case, there are some first steps to take:

What are the expenses of your household and where can you trim? Can you trim enough to equal the pay differential of going on day shift? Would it be better for your sanity if one of you made the transition at a time? Can your relationship and your family handle the chaos of making a career change simultaneously?

Next, I question whether it would inform you to spend the time researching what other families do because your situation is unique. Plus, I don't know whether you are wondering about strategies to cope with finances, career changes or being a swing shift parent. In any event, if you've truly made the conviction to stand firmly on the organizing principal of family the question is moot. Finally, the very first thing to do is hug each other and then your kids. Thanks for your devotion to family ... the pay-off is enormous, for you, for you kids and for the rest of us.

I'm ready to leave my home in Minneapolis and move to be near family in Seattle. My husband's job will let him telecommute, but mine won't (I'm a director of communications). What is your advice on job hunting from so far away?
- J. Leigh, Minneapolis, Minn.

Terry Taylor: Do some research online to find professional associations and their job boards. You might consider contacting the presidents of these organizations or the directors of communications in some Seattle-based companies for informational interviews via e-mail and phone. Listen closely in these conversations to find ways you can be of service to them. Build on goodwill. Network! Network! Network! Contact anyone you get a referral to and ask them for referrals. And, be prepared with your resume, references, and samples of your work. Good luck and welcome to the Emerald City!

I'm 52 years old and thinking about going back to college. Am I foolish to pursue college at my age with the hopes of getting a better paying job?
- F. Mueller, Graham, Pierce County

Terry Taylor: Run to college! Ahem ... I'm a little biased ... I RAN to college in 1995 at the age of 41 and completely changed my career and planted myself firmly in the middle of my life's passion - coaching.

Give yourself the gift of a new, fresh perspective. You might get a better paying job and you will definitely get a full serving of learning, a boatload of experiences, and connections with hundreds of people - all of which have the potential for significantly increasing the satisfaction in your life and increasing the potential for your contribution to the world.

The only thing that would be foolhardy would be to continue daydreaming on this goal. What action step are you willing to take today? Get the information you need to make your decision. Colleges have great counseling centers equipped with tools and assessments to help you find your path, and there are people there to help shine a light along the way. Best wishes!

Why would I want a "life" coach? Why shouldn't I assume responsibility for myself rather than relinquish my own self to someone else's priorities, mores, ethics, interests and personality?
- T. Westman, Issaquah

Terry Taylor: You absolutely SHOULD assume responsibility for yourself. Coaching is no substitute! Please do not assume a coach will relieve you of your personality, interests or living your own priorities by your own ethics or customs. And, you raise a very good point. What is coaching for and who would benefit?

Coaching is a success strategy, and savvy people take advantage of a personal coach to help them stay focused on what they say is most important to them. It's easy for some people to SAY they want balance in their lives even as they are eating take-out food, returning calls and catching up on e-mails in the middle of the I-90 bridge. I know all the insurance agents shudder at the thought, but you out there know who you are!

A coach does not tell you how to think or what is "right." A coach is adept at asking you questions and reflecting back to you the values, choices and ethics YOU say are most important so that YOU don't get lost in the distractions of YOUR life.

Bernard Shaw, former anchor at CNN, knows how this goes. When asked to sum up his career, he said it wasn't worth it. How might it have turned out if someone had asked him to check in and contrast his values around work and life.

So, please, T., don't misunderstand ... a coach will not tell you how to live. Only you have responsibility for your choices and outcomes. Thanks for clarifying!

Should I go back to school? I'm a 42-year-old marketing manager (most of what I do is graphic design) with an associate's degree from an art school. Very few of these credits could transfer to a four-year degree. I have a 6- and 9-year-old daughters. Going back to school would have a huge negative impact on the time and money I have to spend on them, and I would not be able to save for their college education, which is important to me. However, I'm concerned about remaining hirable in a career that has a definite preference for young talent and feel I'm undereducated to progress with my career. I am also considering a career change - getting a teaching degree, which would cost almost $60,000 and start me at a significantly lower salary. If I launch a new career at 50, there's some doubt that the investment would pay off. "What Color is your Parachute" insists there are plenty of opportunities that don't require college degrees, the want ads don't seem to reflect this. Your opinion?
- A. McCall, Seattle

Terry Taylor: I am a life-change enthusiast and an optimist. I have observed that going back to school is a transformation springboard. You sound long on dreams and short on information. With the teacher shortage holding school systems hostage, the impression I get is that there would be tons of scholarship dollars available. You've been this route before: seek financial aid, and contact the Washington Education Association in Federal Way at 253-941-6700 and find out 1) what kind of salary you might expect and 2) whether scholarship dollars could be available to you. You are likely to qualify for significant assistance.

From another point of view, what a gift it would be to give your children the experience of watching you take a stand for yourself, to do what it takes to follow your dream and to model self-advocacy. That sounds like a much more powerful stand than tolerating an underpaid job as an undereducated, dissatisfied woman. Get the information you need, align your resources, explain what's happening to your kids and rock on! Who knows, with the steps you take today, their college tuition may not even be an issue.

If I wanted to learn how to coach other people, especially my extended family and friends, how would I do it? Who could help me? Where would I go to find out who could help me?
- S.R. Byrd, Seattle

Terry Taylor: You can learn how to coach by participating in one of many educational programs available these days. There are plenty of resources, but I recommend you check the credentialing requirements and the school accreditation criteria established by the International Coach Federation. They are the industry's regulating authority and establish the performance, education, continuing education, ethical standards and criteria for coaches and coaching schools. You can find all this information at www.coachfederation.org.

I acknowledge your interest in helping people. Have they asked you to coach them? If so, that may be a testament to your natural abilities. I wish we could stay in touch.

Every week we hear of another professional athlete in trouble. Last week it was Joe Namath. Do you think these are lives out of balance, similar to the business people you treat? Are the syndromes related?
- P. Ross, Seattle

Terry Taylor: It may seem that professional athletes get in trouble a lot because their lives get highlighted in the news, but I wonder if therapists could verify the ratio ... There are probably as many "regular" non-headliner people with substance-abuse problems.

People with substance-abuse problems are addicted. They suffer from a chemical imbalance induced by their drugs and they need medical and therapeutic treatment. There are coaches who specialize in recovery, but there are steps to take within the medical and therapeutic models to help people withdraw and reclaim their lives, too.

By the way, I don't TREAT business people. Coaches don't consider their clients broken or needing to be fixed. And, I'd love to coach Joe to create a more fulfilling life.

Why did you choose Coach U to obtain your coach training?
- P. Sullenberger, Shoreline

Terry Taylor: Coach U offers a terrific coach training program. However, I chose the Academy for Coach Training in Bellevue. I checked out Coach U and all the other ICF accredited courses (www.coachfederation.org) but chose the Academy because I learn best experientially and the academy is a brick-and-mortar school. Plus, the director, Fran Fisher, was on the founding board at the ICF and as a new profession I felt her course offerings would best model the ICF requirements.

If I were to pick this profession, what degree or additional experience/training would you recommend?
- Jack, Auburn

Terry Taylor: I don't know where you're starting from to answer what "in addition" you may need. I do recommend you visit www.coachfederation.org> to understand the requirements for coach certification and to select the appropriate school. I personally have a master's degree in organizational psychology and an undergrad degree in business and non-profit development. Those degrees, plus a certification from the Academy of Coach Training, make up the educational leg of my three legged stool, as do the 40+ years of life experience and the 30 years of my career. Best wishes, Jack!

Is anyone ever truly happy? How does a coach know if she has not only fulfilled her contractual obligation to the client, but enabled the client to achieve happiness? How does a coach measure success?
- P. Sullenberger, Shoreline

Terry Taylor: That's the philosophical question of all humanity. What is happiness?

Some psychologists say we are motivated to get our unconscious needs met and when met, we experience happiness - or at least psychological satisfaction. When I first read that, it occurred to me it is in my best interest to make those needs conscious so that I can set up my life to get those needs met constructively and in a fulfilling way.

As I've lived my life and coached with clients, it has proven over and over to be true ... the more able I am to get my needs met, the greater sense of bliss/joy/passion I experience. Try it. Hire a coach to help you understand what your values are and which of them motivate you. You'll find the key to your own definition of happiness.

We would like to spend more time with our child and less time doing housework. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this?
- D. Take, Bellevue

Terry Taylor: A coach strives not to project onto the client, but I can't help myself on this question. I've had a housekeeper since 1981 and highly recommend it to everyone. If you can afford this service, write a list of things you want the housekeeper to do, find a service that will help you screen applicants, interview several, make your choice and get them to start tomorrow. You'll have more time, more freedom, more sanity and you'll wonder why you waited so long. I mean really, do you want your tombstone to say, "(S)he vacuumed every week?"

It is hard not to focus on work 24/7. I have one of those jobs that could (if you let it) never end. Always more to do. I also recreate in the place I work...
- M. Wolff, Belfair, Kitsap County

Terry Taylor: Boundaries ... if you're loving your work, it's hard to know when to stop. Set up a ritual, walk through a door, play a piece of music, somehow make a physical transition and get yourself out the door. And, you've already stated your own solution ... recreate some other place.

I am in my mid-30s and have 12 years of high-level admin experience. I spend three hours a day commuting to an administrative job with good pay, excellent benefits and nice co-workers. I've worked in industries ranging from real estate to tourism to software, but my current employer is strictly old-fashioned so there is no telecommuting or flex time. I want to find a job closer to home to give me more time with my husband and 5-year-old daughter, but also feel a strong need to find a career avenue that will keep me intellectually challenged as well as afford me a more flexible schedule. I have a wide range of interests but don't know how to begin to narrow them, what employment options are out there into which I can grow/evolve, or how to assess my strengths and skills. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
- Liz, Seattle

Terry Taylor: Being a generalist is a great attribute and it sounds like you've learned how to bloom where you're planted. You have tons of choices and that may feel overwhelming.

I wonder, what would it look like if you said to your boss what you've said here? How would (s)he respond to your request to work with you so you both get what you need? If you don't make progress, please, go to any community college or library and check out the wealth of career-counseling tools. There is a book called "Your Type at Work" and it is based on the work of Myers-Briggs, and there are a plethora of other people and tools to help.

One thing is for sure, time will go by, your 5 year old will be a 25 year old, and you will continue to yearn for something more unless you take action. So, take a step. What step will move you closer to either making an agreement with your boss, relocating to be closer to home, and/or changing careers completely?

I put in 23 years as a secretary before I made this transition, Liz ... don't wait, it's not worth it.

What has been the most rewarding aspect of your career, as well as the most challenging aspect of being a coach?
- Jim, Seattle

Terry Taylor: The most rewarding aspect of being a coach is when I get to realize the changes and impacts people have made as a result of the clarity they create through coaching. There are hundreds of stories ... their successes are their own. I get to glow from being in service to their becoming.

My desire is to live BIG and boldly face the world in the areas of career, recreation, friendships, etc., but little nagging feelings of fear - fear of the unknown, fear that I may not be competent - keep holding me back. The interesting thing is that prior to having children and being a stay-at-home mom, I accomplished a great deal. Can you give me any coaching on how to regain my confidence?
- B. Ann, Seattle

Terry Taylor: Begin. Reach out. Connect with others. Big, massive changes begin with the first step. Get a coach and get out there and good luck!

I am 24 years old and I am pursuing my degree in public relations. But due to lack of financial aid, I either have to stop working to get enough aid, or quit school because I can't afford it? What does one do?
- B. Wilson, Portland, Ore.

Terry Taylor: Forward this note to your congress person. That happened to me when I was in school and it doesn't make sense. One must choose. How do you think your life will turn out if you choose to finish school? Which of those prospects is more compelling? I think you already know your answer. Believe in yourself. School is temporary. The debt might feel like forever, but the texture and quality of your life is at stake.

How or where would one find a life coach to work with?
- S.R. Byrd, Shoreline

Terry Taylor: Please check out www.pugetsoundcoaches.org, which will have a coaches referral in a few weeks. In the meantime, check out www.coachfederation.org (a national directory). You can also ask around; referrals are the best endorsement.

Do you have any advice for artists with families: How to best balance our need to write/paint/compose with our duties to family, community and job.
- L. Wetter, Seattle

Terry Taylor: That might seem like a tough balancing act. What values drive your decisions? What are the rewarding experiences you create in your family relationships? What are the rewarding experiences you create as an artist? Get clear about your commitment and intentions toward your family to set up a decision-making framework about your art. Handling one will create more ease for the other.

How does one find what their truly passionate about? I have a difficult time differentiating what is my passion versus what will bring in a worthwhile paycheck.
- K. Moore, Issaquah

Terry Taylor: Ask yourself what your paycheck gives you to discover what you're passionate about. Is it security? Is it the ability to have fun? Is it a status symbol for you? Chip away at the reasons you want money to understand the experiences you create with money. Knowing what those experiences are reveals what you're passionate about. Then choose those experiences all the time and everywhere in your life ... whether you get paid for it or not. Hopefully, like me, you'll get paid for living your passion.

If I feel that I am not living up to my potential, I am not putting 100 percent at my job and there is a mental block in me (which means that I know what I need to do to do better, but I am just not doing it), should I seek the help of life coach or a doctor?
- James, Seattle

Terry Taylor: If you're concerned about your physical or mental health, seek the services of a doctor and a coach. Surround yourself with people who want you to win. Get your questions answered, and step forward in your life.

Taylor is certified as a professional coach by the Academy for Coach Training and is co-president of the Puget Sound Chapter of the International Coach Federation. Her Web site is www.versoriaonline.com. The views expressed are her own and do not reflect the views of The Seattle Times or seattletimes.com.

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