How Do I Write a Name on a Headstone?
      Daughters of a deceased United States Air Force Colonel have asked for my help for the wording on a headstone/gravestone. I am thinking of:.
                                     Col. John Patrick Delaney
                                            USAF, Retired
            -- Betty

        I want to purchase a paver (a personalized brick) in a local veterans memorial for my grandfather.  He retired from the United States Army as a CW4.  His name is Harold E Copper.  Any ideas?
            -- JB

       Is it O.K. to put Esq. after my father's name on his headstone? He was very proud of being an attorney.
            -- Katie Dorset

        My father was a physician. On his grave marker should I put Dr. before his name? Or MD after his name?
            -- Bruce

Dear Betty, JB, Katie, and Bruce:
    Deceased persons just have their their NAME on grave markers. 
    Honorifics (Mr., Mrs., Dr., etc.), ranks (captain, major, etc.), courtesy titles (excellency. honorable or reverend), and academic and other post-nominal abbreviations (MD, PhD, RN, etc.) – which are parts of a person's name at various times during their lives –  are not included. The marker is for their whole life and their name was what they had the entire time.
     I'm not saying you don't see these elements included every now and then, but it's not what's traditional.
     When there is a desire to note roles and ranks they held during their lives – these are listed afterward their name.
     Military tombstones are a good model.   In military cemeteries stones bear just the deceased NAME and other information, such as rank and branch of service, follows.
     "Retired" is never included. It was pertinent when the person was living and necessary to note that the person was not on active duty.
     So, if the family wants ranks or roles noted, the traditional style would be:
          (Full Name)
          Rank, Branch of Service
      Or:
          John Patrick Delaney
          Colonel USAF
      Or:
          Harold E Copper
          CW4 USA
      Or:
          John J Pershing
          General of the Armies of the United States
      Or:
          Theodore Isen
          Husband, Father and Friend
     See the photos below.
          -- Robert Hickey

Punctuation on Tombstones
          I am having a double cemetery headstone made for my parents. The surname will be in large letters in the center. Below and to the left will be my father’s first and middle name and on the right, my mother’s first and maiden surname. My father was a "Jr." 
          My question regards punctuation. Is a comma placed after the middle name, before Jr.?
                    John James, Jr.
                        or
                    John James Jr.
         -- Jan

Dear Jan,
          I vote for no punctuation.
          Traditionally punctuation is not used on tombstones: no periods with middle initials; no commas after names or periods with sequence post-nominals like Jr or III.
          Stone carvers use elegant spacing to define the names:
                 John James Jr
         -- Robert Hickey

Order of Military Personnel's Names on a Memorial
        Our veterans association is placing a headstone in a cemetery for 13 armed services personnel who perished in a crash after takeoff from Wake Island in 1977.
        What is the correct order for listing the names of deceased crew members? Do we list them in descending order from the highest ranked officer to the lowest ranked enlisted, alphabetically by rank/rate, or alphabetically by last name?
              - JM

Dear JM,
        They definitely have to be "in order".  The order you choose will show your view of the individual's listed.
        The rules of precedence would dictate that names be listed in precedence order: that is high to low
        If you look at WW1 memorials they are often officers first – in order first by rank & then by date of rank. Then enlisted personnel are listed next – in the same order. [I recently saw a feature on TV about a WW1 memorial in the South with "Colored" listed as a third category and an effort by members of the local community wanting to revise the listing on the bronze plaque.]
        This contrasts with what you see at the 9-11 Memorial at the Pentagon. There they were both armed services and civilian deaths in both the Pentagon and on the plane. They might have chosen to put them in order by rank, armed services personnel first, then civilians, last. This would be correct "by-the-book" based on established precedence lists.
        But that not what they did
        They put them in order by their age the day of the crash — youngest first -- oldest last.
        How could anyone disagree that the death of  a infant wasn't a great loss? 
        Thus the order selected sends a statement of the organizer's view of those remembered in the memorial.
        1. Alphabetical by family name is defendable — in keeping with the idea that everyone is equal in death.
        2. Since all were armed services personnel —  rank order makes sense — reflecting their status in life within the group.
        So, I throw it back to you: Which will your committee decide feels right?
                – Robert Hickey

Not Finding Your Question Answered?
(1) At left is a list offices/officials covered and (2) below are other topics covered in my blog. Between the two I probably have what you are looking for.
     But after checking both lists if you don't see your question answered send me an e-mail. I am pretty fast at sending a reply: usually the next day (unless I am traveling.)
      If I think your question is of interest to others, I will post the question & answer – but I always change the names and specifics.
      -- Robert Hickey

USE OF NAMES & HONORIFICS   
Mr., Miss, Jr., III, & Names        
Married Women       
Deceased Persons         
People with Two Titles
Post-Nominal Abbreviations and Initials         
Sequence Post-Nominal Abbreviations: Sr., Jr., etc.    
 
Couples: Private Citizens / Joint Forms of Address 
Couples: U.S. Military / Joint Forms of Address     
Couples: U.S. Officials / Joint Forms of Address      

USE OF SPECIFIC OFFICIAL TITLES        
Former Officials            
Professionals and Academics        

United States Federal Officials, Currently In Office             
United States State Officials, Currently In Office              
United States Municipal Officials, Currently In Office             
       All About The Honorable with U.S. Officials         
       Former United States Officials of all types             
United States Armed Services
       Addressing Active Duty Personnel              
       Addressing Retired Personnel      
       Use of Rank by Retired Personnel      
       Use of Rank by Veterans      

Tribal Officials             
Clergy and Religious Officials           
Canadian Officials         
Australian Officials          
British Officials, Royalty, and Nobility        
Diplomats and International Representatives            
Foreign National Officials and Nobility        

SPECIFIC SITUATIONS
Author's Name on His/Her Book       
Business Cards, Names on,       
Couples              
Introductions, Names in            
Invitations: Names on       
Invitations: Names of Armed Service Personnel on        
Name Badges & Tags            
Names on Programs, Signs, & Lists            
Naming a Building or Road            
Place Cards            
Plaques, Awards, Diplomas, Certificates, Names on    
Precedence: Ordering Officials           
Tombstones, Names on      

Site updated by Robert Hickey on 23 March 2020

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Robert Hickey is the author of Honor & Respect:
The Official Guide to Names, Titles, and Forms of Address
Published by The Protocol School of Washington®
Foreword by Pamela Eyring

Available in   Hardcover   /  Kindle   /  Apple Book

Copyright © 2020 Robert Hickey.     All Rights Reserved.
Book Photo: Marc Goodman.